Now, racism and homophobia can’t be equated in one sense, given that slavery and all of its implications have had far more impact on American society, since that particular evil was woven into the fabric of our nation’s inception. But the truth is, gays and lesbians have been a part of our society for a very long time, and they have been contributors to our national community. Much hatred has been directed at the gay community, mostly by those who feel that America’s laws need to be based strictly on one interpretation of the Bible. I could go on for pages about why I disagree with that, even though I am a person of faith rooted in the Christian tradition. But just as people from my childhood churches have sometimes used Bible verses to gloss over, even outright justify slavery; those same people are the ones focusing a large amount of energy towards the denial of rights to homosexual Americans.
          Most, if not all of this hatred is rooted in fear and ignorance. If you make sure you never meet a homosexual or interact with them in a meaningful way, you are free to hate them and condemn them and judge them. Ralph Reed, Senators Bill Frist, and Rick Santorum, and of course President Bush, have, in all probability, had very little real interaction with gays and lesbians. Given their particular affinity for hate-filled evangelism, they view homosexuals as deviants who are out to recruit young children and molest them. They are happy to ignore the rampant child sexual abuse in the Catholic Church, but when it comes to law-abiding gay citizens, they want to focus their political machine to cast them as evil sinners who have no place in our society, let alone get married legally. And most Americans have, and will continue to support this legislation because they don’t interact with people who are different from them in any significant way. Our neighbors to the North, as well as Europe, are far ahead of us in this regard.
          I married a dual citizen of the U.S. and Canada. Every summer, we try and find time to come to Port Elgin, Ontario to her family’s summer cottage on Lake Huron. It’s a very old house, very rustic and charming and truly one of the happiest places I’ve ever been, aside from the neighbors who are reliving their childhoods by blasting classic rock all night. This year, we had a great addition to our cottage vacation experience, as we have a 2 month old baby boy in tow. We had planned to be here around the first of August, but were invited to arrive early for a special occasion.
          My wife’s cousin, Kris, is someone I’ve met a few times over the years, but don’t know very well. Kris lives in Berlin, and we all had lunch once when my wife and I were in Berlin. Last year, Kris and a friend named Fronck visited our house while I was on the road, but they came back for a visit this year while I was home. Kris and Fronck are lesbian women, but they refer to each other with masculine pronouns. I’ll admit, it’s a little tough to get used to, but overall not a big deal to me. The two of them were married recently in Berlin, where they currently live. Kris’ father is from Owen Sound, not far from our cottage in Port Elgin. So we attended a wedding reception for the Canadian and American family members who couldn’t attend the wedding.
          I had met most of these people before, as we visit with them every summer. They are a positively delightful bunch of people, so open and accepting of everyone. I pride myself on coming from a loving family that always laughs together, cries together, and gets along remarkably well. But we are not without our problems, much like any family. Yet I couldn’t imagine how my family would react to the celebration we had for Kris and Fronck. Most of my family is in line with George Bush and the Republicans when it comes to gays and lesbians. They do not believe that marriage can or should exist outside the confines of one man and one woman, and aren’t too keen on it when it combines two different races. Being the lone liberal in my family, and one of the few who will vote for a Democrat, I find myself in opposition to my family on any number of issues ranging from welfare, affirmative action, and public education to tax cuts, prayer in schools and illegal, immoral pre-emptive wars against countries that did not attack us. The positive thing, though, is that none of our disagreements prevents us from loving each other to pieces and having blissfully wonderful times whenever we’re together. I truly respect my family, even in our disagreements. But seeing what I saw here in Canada made me think so much about what I was taught growing up.
          When Kris and Fronck were at my house prior to the Canadian trip, I was immediately impressed by how they treated each other. Both of them have very short haircuts, a variety of piercings, and they dress in similar styles that are normally associated with males. It’s hard for some people, I suppose, to look past the appearances and focus on other things. Anytime one is confronted with people that aren’t what they perceive as the norm, hang-ups can occur. I just wish that more people could spend actual time with couples like Kris and Fronck. I’ve long since gotten over my belief that their lifestyle is tantamount to mortal sin. But how I wish more people could see what I see.
          I love my wife beyond my capacity to explain. When I’m with her, I am always trying to dote on her, speak to her kindly, and shower her with affection, and she reciprocates in kind, at least when I’m behaving well. Kris and Fronck are absolutely no different with one another. People who are homophobic tend to think of gays and lesbians only as sexual objects. They define them solely in terms of what they do in the bedroom, and not the rest of their lives. With all the Viagra being sold to straight men across America, I wonder how they would like it if they were judged solely on what they did (or couldn’t do) in the bedroom. Love comes in many different packages, and Kris and Fronck are definitely what love is all about.
          Last night at the reception, it was clear that certain members of the family were still a little unsure of how to understand Kris and Fronck and the nature of their marriage. But everyone there was participating in celebrating two people who have found each other and committed themselves to sharing a life. Everything about the reception was as normal as any reception I’d ever been to. Speeches were made, toasts were raised, tears were shed and laughter was abundant. Kris’ Uncle Chander and his staff of relatives served up tandoori chicken, beef curry, green salads and homemade nan. The mood was uplifting and no one there had a bad time. But it was Kris’ parents in particular that touched my heart so deeply.
          I know far too many gay men and women who have shared with me the nightmare stories of coming out to their parents. I am thankful that a wonderful person such as Kris didn’t suffer that kind of rejection from the people who gave her life. Fronck had a similar experience, which coming from a German family isn’t a big surprise to me. No one I know would ever consciously choose a life that brought so much hatred upon them. I truly believe Kris and Fronck are being exactly the people that they were born as, and it’s even more courageous for them to be themselves even in the face of all the ignorance and hatred we have in this world.
          In some ways, I wish I didn’t even feel so compelled to write this experience down. If I had attended a hetero reception, it probably wouldn’t have had the same impact on me. If 11 American states hadn’t voted to pass laws that discriminate against gays last November, while Canada did the exact opposite as a country, maybe the contrast wouldn’t have been so glaring. But things are as they are.
          It was a very short time ago in America that a large portion of the population found it OK to deny civil rights to black citizens. For most kids today, they see that for the evil it was and can’t fathom living under those circumstances. My hope for my son is that when he’s 15, he’ll find it equally unfathomable that there was a time when people could not choose to love and marry the people that do for their hearts what my wife did to mine, regardless of whether or not they are the same gender. That seems a lot to imagine in George W. Bush’s America, but as his reckless, spiteful, immoral warmongering presidency fades into history beginning, barring any impeachments or resignations (Hey! A boy can dream…) in January of 2009, I hope his antiquated discriminatory “values” fade into the distance and that America benefits from the inevitable wisdom that can only come from hindsight.