Abramoff: "I hate to ask your help with something so silly, but I have been nominated for membership in the Cosmos Club," Abramoff wrote. He noted that the club has "Nobel Prize winners, etc. Problem for me is that most prospective members have received awards and I have received none."

The thing is, Jack, the reason you might not look like the right material for the Cosmos Club is that you spent your life screwing people over for money.  What can the good Rabbi do about that?

Abramoff: "I was wondering if you thought it possible that I could put that I have received an award from Toward Tradition with a sufficiently academic title, perhaps something like Scholar of Talmudic Studies? ...Indeed, it would be even better if it were possible that I received these in years past, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I think you see what I am trying to finagle here!"

Most people would be embarassed to ask anyone for such a favor, let alone a Rabbi.  In this case, however, the Rabbi seemed to reason there was no harm in bearing a little false witness, if his friend could hobnob with people who actually accomplished something in their lives.

Lapin: "Mazel tov, the Cosmos Club is a big deal."  (break of a few days) "I just need to know what needs to be produced....letters? plaques? Neither?"

Abramoff:  "Probably just a few clever titles of awards, dates and that's it. As long as you are the person to verify them [or we can have someone else verify one and you the other], we should be set. Do you have any creative titles, or should I dip into my bag of tricks?"

It's not known whether he dipped into his bag of tricks or not.  The Cosmos Club has made it clear Mr. Abramoff is not a member, however, and never has been.