Top Ten Clinton Debate Zingers
With the rousing success of the "Change you can Xerox line," the Clinton campaign has been hard at work coming up with lines to drop into Tuesday's debate.
10. That's not 'Change we can believe in,' it's 'Change we can mimeograph!'
9. Everyone says Barack is a Mac, and, sure Macintosh computers are neat, but when you really want to get something done you use an IBM-compatible.
8. We need solutions, not slogans; and I am in the solutions business!(TM)
7. Shame on you, Barack Obama, with your great speeches and your huge rallies and your record-breaking small individual donations and your vastly superior ground game and your getting more votes than me. Shame on you!
6. Your fancy speeches are distracting America from the real issue...which is how America can make me President.
5. Sure, that Will.I.Am video was okay, but you know what time it is? IT'S HILLA TIME! Gets on table, rips off skirt to reveal parachute pants, begins to dance. DO, DOO DO DOOT. DOO DOOT. DOO DOOT. CAN'T TOUCH THIS! (Whispers to self "Aw ya, come home to mama, black vote.")
4. John Edwards is a great American, a hero to us all...and one sexy son of a bitch.
3. I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.
2. Enough, Barack Obama. Democrats do not attack each other on universal health care. ...They attack each other on trumped-up plagiarism charges.
1. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
Debates don't seem to make that much difference especially when one of the candidates have a superior ground game. They just have to come out of every debate without looking petty.
February 26, 2008 8:03 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks for the laugh!
And I disagree, bharath. Debates matter in one sense: the press theme that emerges. It doesn't matter if its a substantive thoughtful debate, highlighting the narrow differences between two very exciting candidates. What matters, to the press, is whether someone scored a knockout punch. The press is looking for a "Where's the beef", a "You're no Jack Kennedy", a "There you go again" moment. The superficiality of the press is embarassing.
So these debates matter to the press, and that, sadly enough, might influence the voting.
February 26, 2008 10:42 AM | Reply | Permalink
a funny post.
Hillary has challenged him to a fight about dirty campaign politics and she's hoping he'll drop down to her level. He's got to resist doing that.
Hillary may try to do something that Obama did to her--"you say I'm empty rhetoric, therefore you must think all my supporters are delusional.
HIllary might say "To say_______ or __________ is an insult not just to me, but to all the women of this nation.
February 26, 2008 10:47 AM | Reply | Permalink
HA-HA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I'm in pain w/ laughter - thanks for some refreshingly brutal levity (triply-oxymoronic I know)-- but you brilliantly achieved.
February 26, 2008 10:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
loved number 7. she should use it tonight.
February 26, 2008 12:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
I thought I liked you before, but now I'm sure of it. That was hilarious.
My favorites are probably 5 and 6, and I just can't choose between them because I'm giving myself a headache laughing so hard at both of them.
February 26, 2008 3:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well done. But you forgot one: "Your voters don't count and the states you won don't matter. But Michigan and Florida do."
February 26, 2008 3:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
Or:
"No one knows hope better than I; how dangerous hope is, how hope can hurt - even kill. I hoped my original healthcare plan would pass. It didn't. I hoped President Bush wouldn't actually use the military authorization I voted to give him in Iraq. He did. Today, I still cling to the hope that I can salvage this campaign. Clearly hope is a lie, and Obama's campaign is built upon a mountain of filthy, rotten hope. Just say "no!" to hope. [standing up, fist raised, begins chant] NO, HOPE! NO, HOPE! NO, HOPE..."
February 26, 2008 4:36 PM | Reply | Permalink
That is too funny!♪♪♪
Just say Hope backward....EPOH... there!
February 26, 2008 5:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Actually, "EPOH" will be McCain's way of wooing back Huck conservatives when the primaries are over. A new chain e-mail will 'appear' which among other things will state:
"Playing "hope" backward in combination with Obama's middle name - HUSSEIN - reveals a secret communication to Obama's terrorist buddies - and even a pledge to Satan himself! But don't try it at home; you may fall under the spell of the "hope" message. In fact, it is better to refrain from even thinking hopeful thoughts, lest the mind be corrupted from within. Do not encourage hopefulness in your children: they will grow up to be tree-hugging, burka-wearing liberals! Our American way of life, our values, our God-given constitution, is at risk. We should all be scared - very scared - of Barack HUSSEIN Obama."
Muuaaahahaha!
February 26, 2008 6:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
Just wondering -- Hillary is only human (giving her the benefit of the doubt) and no matter how tough a personality she undoubtedly has, isn't it possible that during the live debate it all suddenly gets to her and she breaks down big time on camera in front of America? Not faked, but real -- try to picture it: an angry outburst, breaks into uncontrollable sobbing, gets up abruptly and walks off the stage (leaving a stunned panel and audience behind). I know, I know, ain't gonna happen -- but wouldn't it be cool?
February 26, 2008 6:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
In what way would it be cool?
I'm an Obama supporter, and I'm not fond of seeing anyone suffer. Think carefully about what you just wrote. Read it through the eyes of a woman.
February 26, 2008 8:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
If you Google "just say no to hope" you can get yer t-shirts and bumber stickers...
September 18, 2008 5:32 PM | Reply | Permalink