by Tab Lloyd

Smallton, Pa: In a wide ranging interview with the Smallton Desperation Daily Journal, Senator Hillary Clinton today said that if she wins the Democratic Nomination for President, she will not only run a vigorous campaign against John McCain, she will simultaneously ask him to be her running mate.  "It'll be a win win situation," said Clinton. 
    When asked if she thought her plan might enrage Democratic voters, the Junior Senator from New York replied quickly. "Look, I want to be President very, very badly. With McCain on my ticket I can't lose. And I've learned a great deal from Joe Liberman.  Democrats don't need Democratic votes to win."  Senator Lieberman is the "Independant Democrat" Connecticut Senator who famously lost his Senate Primary but then ran anyway, poaching enough Republican votes from the Republican candidate to win his seat against the Democratic challenger.
    "What I've learned from this whole process," Clinton said, "is that I can't win if this primary election is about who Democrats prefer. I think I'm showing the country how much I want to be President by trying to destroy Barack Obama while at the same time reaching out to Senator McCain to be my Vice President."
     When thanked for taking time out on a Sunday for the interview, and for missing church services, Senator Clinton replied, "Oh, church, um, right. Yes, I am very religious and it was a, um, very difficult decision to be here instead of um, in the pew, um, of your local church. It was difficult, you know, to balance my desire to be President, you know, with, um, my deep faith in being President."
    "You mean God," I responded at that point.
     Laughs. "Oh, gosh, yes, Him. I also like beer and guns and John McCain."

    When asked for comment, Senator McCain's spokesperson, Viola Agra, said, "Senator McCain appreciates the support of every Democrat, including Senators Lieberman and Clinton."

The full interview of our interview with Senator Clinton will appear in the Monday morning edition of the Smallton Desperation Daily Journal.