Minutes after Senator Hillary Clinton finished her victory speech in West Virginia, AARP Senior Fraud Defense lawyer Roberta Flume received a panicked call from Senator John McCain.  According to Ms. Flume, the call went as follows:

Flume: Hello?
McCain: [off-phone] Cindy, do I need to press the call button or does this thing just dial automatically?
Flume: Hello??
McCain: Hello?
Flume: Hello?
McCain: Just a second. [off-phone]  Of COURSE I plugged in the charger! Who do you think I am, you—listen, Cindy, let’s discuss this later—the girl’s on the phone.  Ah, sorry about that, Miss.
Flume: That’s all right.  What can I do for you, sir?
McCain: You’ve got to help me—I think I—I think I was the victim of some sort of sweepstakes scam.
Flume: OK, can you tell me a bit more about what happened? Was this an e-mail you received, or a telephone call?  One of these “Nigerian prince” letters?
McCain: Well, it’s like this: I keep getting these messages asking me for money, saying “We can win this!”
Flume: So, this a sham lottery that’s been contacting you?  Were you asked for your credit card information?
McCain: Let me tell you what happened.  I was watching the TV tonight, flipping through the infomercials that me and Cindy like so much, and I came upon one channel that looked particularly interesting.  The speaker was telling inspirational stories—one about an old woman who wanted to cast a vote before she died, and another one about a poor boy who sold his bicycle and toys and donated the proceeds to a campaign.   The speaker, she said that giving her money, it’s like an investment, and that I shouldn’t let anyone tell me it wouldn’t pay off, because if I invest in her she’ll never give up and never stop fighting for me, and just imagine the return on an investment like that! I’d never have to depend on Cindy for my allowance again!  So she gives out her internet’s website address over the air, and, naturally, I make my way over to the AOL and type out my credit card number.  Not a minute goes by and I get a call from Diner’s Club, telling me I’ve exceeded my balance!  I—I don’t know what to do… They've cleaned me out!
Flume: OK, sir, we’ve been getting a lot of these calls lately, from other seniors who have taken in by fundraising pleas from the Clinton campaign—
McCain: Clinton campaign??
Flume:  That is who you’re referring to, isn’t it?  Do you have the scammers’ web address?
McCain: I wrote it down, lemme see.  Ahhh... W-W-W... ...Dot...  Fuck. Yeah, it’s her. 
Flume: OK, sir.  Nothing to be alarmed about.  They’re twenty million dollars in debt, and, predictably, they’ve been taking advantage of society’s weakest in order to pay it off.  We can get you your money back, I’m certain--but before we can take any action on your behalf, I need to take down your personal information.
McCain: Sure.  My name is John, J-O-H-N, McCain, and that’s McCain with an “M.” And my credit card number is 9-6-8-0—
Flume: No credit card number necessary, sir—
McCain: ...1-1-3-2...
Flume: Mr. McCain—
McCain:  That’s SENATOR McCain, hussy!
Flume: Wait, seriously? This is Senator John McCain?
McCain: [silence]
Flume: Oh… that IS embarrassing.
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