(This fake news story is reposted from my blog, www.richieville.com)

Unable to compete with the Obama fundraising juggernaut, and facing a serious money disadvantage in the general election, Senator John McCain announced today that he was starting a psychic hotline service. McCain campaign manager Rick Davis announced the new fundraising scheme in a statement to the press.

"Last week, Senator McCain told the world of his predictions for the year 2013," Mr. Davis told reporters at McCain headquarters in Arlington, Va. "Now members of the general public can take advantage of these same psychic powers to help guide them in their personal lives."
Mr. Davis was referring to the senator's recent ad in which he predicted multiple events that would occur in the year 2013, including the stabilization of the Middle East, the reduction of the threat of nuclear terror and and the advancement of energy independence. In a speech last week he also prophesied  that the war in Iraq would be over at that time.  
"Thanks to his extraordinary ability to travel through dimensions in the astral plane, Senator McCain can see into the future," Mr. Davis asserted. "Now, with the McCain Psychic Hotline, John McCain will use his soothsaying powers to see into your future. For only $1.50 a minute, the future president will help you make crucial decisions that can affect your lifelong happiness. Should you get married? Should you take that new job? Should you take out a subprime mortgage? Which Middle East country should you invade? John McCain has the answers to all these and more. To hear the future all you have to do is call 866 675-2008."