Make no mistake, scam artists love senior citizens because in some of our most “senior moments,” we can make some pretty bad decisions.

Well, Larry Johnson, advertising himself as a “security consultant,” really took me for a ride when he called at dinner time last week to drop the bombshell on me.  He said he had a gramophone recording of Cindy McCain ranting and raving about “Whitey.”  I was like, “which Whitey was she talking about?  Whitey Haverford from the club?  Because he really is a jerk and Cindy might well hate him.”  But then Larry said, “Did I say she said ‘Whitey?’”  I meant that she said Mexicans.”

Well that’s bad.  Because, as you all know, I want my best friend of 847 years, John McCain, to be president.  And you can’t be president without Mexicans voting for you.  It’s just a fact.  Sure, most of them are too lazy to vote but there are so damned many of them that even a few can turn an election.  Especially in Florida, where the Mexicans are really concerned about Cuba for some reason.

But I digress.  When Larry Johnson of No Quarter USA dot net said he had this gramophone recording of Cindy saying “Mexicans” I was ready to pay any price to get my hands on it and to get it to my best friend John.  

Larry wanted $200 for shipping costs.  Seemed high to me but he said it had to be shipped through extra special CIA channels and that he was an intelligence officer for the government and that $200 is a bargain and that he was doing me and John a favor.  So then I had to do this whole Pay Pal thing that Larry said all the spooks are into and he took my money.

And I never got a damned record!  So I call Larry and he tells me to fuck off and that I’m some sort of Obama robot for calling him a liar.  I say, “Where’s my record of Cindy saying Mexican?” and he says, “I don’t have it but I’ve been told about it by people who don’t even know each other!”  Now folks, even if you’re 847 years old like me and John McCain you know damned well that his answer isn’t an answer at all!  It’s pure flim flam.

Back in my day we’d put two bit three card monty scammers like Larry Johnson in the stocks in public square.  Then we’d humiliate them by reading aloud from forbidden erotic novels and poking fun at the inadequate response of his personal regions.  But these days he doesn’t get punished at all.  He just gets people reading his blog.  And to think he used to write here at TPMCafe.  It’s just sad.