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Dow Tanks on News of McCain's Balanced Budget Plan


Wall Street investors today are selling off assets in what promises to be a big slide for the Dow over the next few weeks, as investors come to realize that their allies in Washington have finally gone off the deep end. 
"The traditional give and take between big business and our corrupt Republican allies in government is over," says Wall Street bigwig Greedy Warbucks. "We can't depend on those crazies who've taken over the GOP the way we used to. In years past, they used to try to cover their wanton disregard for reality with a few well-placed lies, but now they've wandered off into la-la land with this McCain balanced budget fairytale, I just don't feel comfortable working with serious nutcases," Warbucks said. "They aren't even pretending to make sense anymore."
Apparently Warbucks is not alone in his assessment, as over the past hour and a half the Dow has dropped eleven- and-a-half gazillion points with no sign of slowing down. 

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Leapin' Lizards! Buy more bonds, Asp!

Its this type of pessimism that is dragging this country down. Of course we can balance the budget. You just didn't see the fine print on how it would be done. We take the budget and put in on a scale. Now considering the size of the budget, a several thousand pages, you might think it'll never be balanced. Fear not, a few lead slugs, which is what a dollar will soon be worth, placed on the other side of the scale and voila. Balanced budget.

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