Free-Market Republicans are beating the drum, not to feed the poor, not to nationalize energy. They aren't planning to buy high and sell low to US consumers. They don't know how to find a good spot to dig, and they can't dig for oil. But they know about electioneering, and they're begging Harry and Nancy to let them tinker with the energy markets.

We all know that while I and many of us have turned backs on oil, looking to the future, the oil companies and their representatives in Congress, the Republican Party are rabidly trying to stifle alternatives to petroleum. They can't imagine a day without limousines.

Right now they say they want to 'do something' about the high price of oil. Too much free market perhaps? Last one to leave the Republican tradition, please turn off the lights to conserve electricity.

First, prices don't come down. They rise. Get used to market-priced gas. Companies have made record profits every quarter for years, and still refuse to invest in production and development of tracts they already have. They certainly won't start giving it away now- that would be a crime, technically. Shareholders could imprison them for feduciary sabotage. They'll argue that the oil they want to find represents a gigantic Cost-of-Goods problem and come begging the Congress while we approach $7/gallon. Soon.

Second, we're hurting because those Republicans demolished so much of the economy, drove the dollar into the ground, started a war, did whatever they could to coddle Bush and then to stifle the Dems, and they shepherded our productive capacity to China. No controls means things are out of control. Will the Republicans try to regulate their patron in this emergency session? Doubt it. More likely, they'll suggest some more deficit for them to distribute among shareholders.

Third (Not crazy about ordinals in an essay, but it's my first in a while), drilling today actually means drilling in a few years, actually handling fresh petrol years later. This urgency is BS.

Finally, the only way to make gas cheaper is to buy it and sell it at a loss. Okay, we can be convinced speculation doesn't affect prices. And we can accept that it's terribly expensive to extract oil and terribly prohibitive to do it responsibly. But we've already accepted globalization and the devalued dollar, creating the worst competitive environment imaginable.

So there is less than nothing here. Somehow it's propping McCain up as a potential candidate. But it's not actually there. It's a phantom. I don't want Republicans to feel bad every day for the next 4.5 years either, but they have nothing to stand on, and they're hoping this blabber will keep their candidate alive long enough for something dumb to come out of the other guy's mouth.