TPM Anger Management School
We don't have the budget to acquire
more servers, but, for the low low price of $18.95/month, YOU can be a
proud graduate of the TPM Anger Management School!
You'll learn the secrets like:
How to deflect trolls
How to ignore excessive stupidity
and
How to find the positive side of TPM server malfunctions
That's right, YOU can learn to do all these things! You'll be amazed at how simple these techniques are to master once you've learned the basics liking taking a break from your computer once in a while. So CALL NOW! Our operators are standing by!
If you order in the next 15 minutes, we'll also throw in two more TPM classics:
How to generate attention by being childish
!!AND!!
How to get on the recommended list
All this can be yours three low monthly payments of just $18.95!!!!
Hurry! Call now! Our operators are standing by. Just call, toll-free: 1-800-BE-AN-ASS.
You'll learn the secrets like:
How to deflect trolls
How to ignore excessive stupidity
and
How to find the positive side of TPM server malfunctions
That's right, YOU can learn to do all these things! You'll be amazed at how simple these techniques are to master once you've learned the basics liking taking a break from your computer once in a while. So CALL NOW! Our operators are standing by!
If you order in the next 15 minutes, we'll also throw in two more TPM classics:
How to generate attention by being childish
!!AND!!
How to get on the recommended list
All this can be yours three low monthly payments of just $18.95!!!!
Hurry! Call now! Our operators are standing by. Just call, toll-free: 1-800-BE-AN-ASS.
Advertisement
First Caller! Ooooh Ooooh!
CalPaige.... I already purchased your earlier book, and consider myself well on the way to being an ass! I HIGHLY recommend it!
And someday I hope to become - if I can voice such a personal ambition - a fully-blown Asshat. And maybe even someday.... (whisper it).... The Asshelmet In Chief!
September 4, 2008 12:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
Quinn! I've been looking all over for you! I need a substitute for the 7am "How to Be A Super Asshat" seminar, and I thought with all your real-world experience you'd be able to fill in without any trouble. Whaddaya say? There's an advanced copy of my next book in it for you!
September 4, 2008 2:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
7 am? VERY funny, Paige! You know darn well that in your 1st book said - and I can quote this one from memory - "There's fools, damned fools... and then there's the complete f*cktards that get up before noon." Nice try though!
By the way... how'd you ever get through that legal battle with Dij over who had the rights to use "Asstastic Terminology & Techniques "(TM)? Is she getting a cut?
September 4, 2008 3:15 AM | Reply | Permalink
Darn! Taught that one too well.
And yes, you wouldn't believe the cut Dija gets on the Ass series.
September 4, 2008 3:45 AM | Reply | Permalink
Those ass-residual checks have been tiding me over since I lost my Hillary defender subsidies :D Thanks as always for your support!
PS. I checked your progress and it appears you are at an Ass-Mountie level on the Canadian charts. On the American charts that's equivalent to a cuddly puppy. You have much more work to do if you want to strive for Asshelmet-in-Chief status.
September 4, 2008 2:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
damn you, delayed posts that get lost for 30 minutes and then when I retype, you showup again!
September 4, 2008 3:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
The ass-residuals have been tiding me over since my Hillary defender subsidies were cutoff in June :D
Quinn you are not yet qualified to teach the How To Be A Super Asshat. I checked our Canadian ass-conversion chart and right now you are only at the Ass-Mountie level. Impressive for a Candaian but in America, that's equivalent to a cuddly puppy. You have miles to go before you achieve Asshelmet-in-Chief status.
xoxo Dijamo, complete f*cktard who gets up before 6am daily.
September 4, 2008 3:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
I thought you were going to call him a Canady Ass, which would have started an international incident. Fortunately we can tuck the ICBM's back in their silos - the wheatfields of our shared Great Plains are safe tonight.
September 4, 2008 3:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
You people don't actually think we'd let you have REAL ICBM's in those silo's, do you? O.M.G. We came down one night a few years back, hauled 'em all out, and replaced 'em with big canisters of potatoes. Personally, I did 3 just in North Dakota.
Then we gave 'em to Quebec. They've been happy ever since. (Note: Wouldn't mock the French tooooo much more though, if I were you.)
September 4, 2008 7:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
First class -
1.) You can correct ignorance.
2.) You can't correct stupidity.
3.) Yes, some people are just like that and there's not much you can do about it.
4.) The minute you make it personal, you might as well call it a day.
And last but not least,
5.) TPM is not a reflection of the general voting populace.
September 4, 2008 12:43 AM | Reply | Permalink
Re 5.) (which I do not disagree with) - is that a good thing or a bad thing?
September 4, 2008 2:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
depends on the day.
September 4, 2008 2:43 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hey Paige!
Thanks for the reminder to step away from the computer once in awhile. I could kick myself for how much of the beautiful weekend I spent hunched over my laptop in Palin-fascination/horror/conspiracyville...
*sigh*
September 4, 2008 2:26 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hi Oakviolin!
Now if only I can use the same logic to remind myself to get some outdoor time... Or at least get to bed early!
September 4, 2008 3:46 AM | Reply | Permalink
The most excellent part of your fine post, mho:
not the least of which because the two are very inter-related.
I must admit that I have a hard time believing some of the posters here who, along the line somewhere, have said that they are old enough to be parents. My unvoiced reaction often is: you just have to be lying! No way! You behave and/or write like you're 12!
Falling for the Recommend system thing is even more immature, though, it's like admitting you are no higher of an entity than a Skinner rat! If you get on the Recommend list, here's what you win exactly: nothing! except perhaps some grief!
If your post gets on the Recommend list, you end up much more likely to get all kinds of idiotic comments on it that will disturb you, from people who have just happened by and haven't figured out back road ways to navigate around the site and find good discussions. If you are on the Recommend list, you even might get replies from real actual 12 year olds, but you will feel it necessary to acknowledge them, because you can't be sure they are 12 year olds....
September 4, 2008 2:49 AM | Reply | Permalink
And sometimes, I think, the actual 12 year olds have the more interesting things to say....
September 4, 2008 3:22 AM | Reply | Permalink
WHATYOU GOT AGST 12 YEARSZOLDS ANYWAYE?
R YOU SOMENEEWKIND TROLL?
LAIR! LIAR! PANTS ON FIER!
BEESIDEZ - MCCAINES OLD & PLAINS NOT SO HOT
(Hmmm.... Quite enjoyed that. Must try it more often.)
September 4, 2008 3:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
Uh oh. Looks like Quinn's off his meds.
September 4, 2008 7:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
Just trying out the technique, maybe
September 4, 2008 9:18 AM | Reply | Permalink
This is me off meds.
You should see me ON meds - Whooooooo-weeeeeeeeeee Capt'n Batshit reporting for duty SUR!
September 4, 2008 12:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
Taking a break from the computer?!
Managing anger?!
(Hyperventilates)
Who do you think you are?!
Highly rec'd.
;)
September 4, 2008 11:42 AM | Reply | Permalink
Do you sell gift certificates?
September 4, 2008 1:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yes.
September 4, 2008 9:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
Do you offer gift certificates?
September 4, 2008 3:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
No.
September 4, 2008 9:14 PM | Reply | Permalink