I once heard Sarah Silverman take on the rude claim that Pamela Lee Anderson would be nothing without her tits. "Oh that is so wrong, she'd be Paris Hilton!!!"

And it's even more wrong the way Paris has been slighted this fall. While Sarah Palin herself credited Hillary's 18 million cracks in the ceiling, and some think it was Tina Fey that provided real life inspiration, it was Paris herself that launched the snowmobiler's chances from her poolside.

Is our collective memory that short? In a few decisive seconds, Paris chooses her next vacation spot, comes up with a hybrid energy policy, and with that taken care of, chooses her VP - no summer-long exploration team, no waffling about "who likes me best, who might be mean to me". Uno, dos, tres: "See you at the debates, bitches".

Worried about Obama painting the White House black? Paris already chose pink. Think she'd have trouble taking on Katie Couric or Charles Gibson? Think she's make the most important debate of our lifetimes a snoozefest? Make that a no way. 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling? Paris has more than that in her bumper.

As for thinking out of the box in a time of economic crisis, she's got street cred - if she could sell wine in cans to Italians, she could sell ice to eskimos or worthless mortgages to Saudis. She understands viral marketing, new media and having fun, which are the best ways to pull ourselves out of this crisis. Housing payments coming due? Fly to Maui. No place to sleep? Cool, let's go clubbing, you can crash at my pad. She understands the judicial system better than any of the "real" candidates, she knows how to work a trust fund to the max, and she doesn't need some 1950's beauty & talent contest schtick - she's got videos, her own fashion line and one hellacious scream. Worried about candidates dying? No prob, been there, done that. And she even did a reality show down on a farm - she understands the Simple Life. She's the Great Communicator.

So it's time to give credit where credit's due, the maverick who doesn't have to keep repeating it (and if someone was doing shots every time a certain word was spoken, she'd be first in line). Deliver canned lines with gusto? Check. A true celebrity we can believe in? Check. She was p3wn3d by the other candidates stealing her act, especially the old scary white dude, but we can right the wrong, we can write in Paris and vote the real deal. Paris is back with a kinda feeble team up with Charlie Sheen, but she belongs in the real White House solving real problems for real people. And even for us as well.

And just in case you think the Sarah Palin thing was a coincidence, note that her name is a mashup of Paris Hilton and Rihanna. Hardly an innocent mistake.

So get thee to a voting booth and do the right thing. And we're stealing back the lame PUMA bit - it's now Party Up My Ass. See you at the elections, bitches.