Whew.  Thank goodness I'm from a small town!  According to Sarah Palin, if you're from a small town, why, you're PRO-AMERICA:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/17/palin-clarifies-what-part_n_135641.html

As reported in the Washington Post and in more detail in HuffingtonPost, she said:


"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. We believe" -- here the audience interrupted Palin with applause and cheers -- "We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation. This is where we find the kindness and the goodness and the courage of everyday Americans."


Wow.  I'm not only pro-America, I'm REAL America!

We live about 20 miles outside a town of no more than 12,000 souls, which qualifies, I think, as a small town.  In fact, we have to drive a hundred miles just to get to a freakin' mall, so man, we are REALLY small.  Not one of those nasty suburbs that you see in some places like, say, Washington, D.C.

That makes me feel just so superior, being real and all.  It reminds me of that commercial that has this little quaifier at the bottom that says, REAL PEOPLE.  NOT ACTORS.  I had more fun calling up my daughter, an actor who's plied her trade in New York and London and now lives and acts in L.A., and saying, Hey!  You're NOT REAL!

So I say to all you poor slobs livin' out there in those nasty big cities that It's just too bad you're not only not real, but not pro-America.  Also, you're not kind or good and you don't have any courage.

Of course, this presents a dilemma to me, on account of how my son, who did two tours in Iraq with the Marine Corps, now lives in HOUSTON.

Eew.  Talk about your basic big city.  I guess that means he doesn't really love America as much as all us small-town wonderful people do.

BUT WAIT!  THERE'S MORE!

Sarah has covered the bases:


"Those who are running our factories and teaching our kids and growing our food and are fighting our wars for us. Those who are protecting us in uniform. Those who are protecting the virtues of freedom."


Well, thank God for that!  He doesn't work in a factory and he's not a farmer or a teacher but he protected our virtue in uniform.  So he's covered.

But his girlfriend is not, because she's just a city girl, period.  Neither is my daughter, of course, living in Sodom and Gomorrah like she does.

In fact, I daresay the vast majority of the population of the United States of America is not the "real America," according to Sarah Palin.

Just those who live in small towns in, apparently, very red states, since they won't let her go anyplace else, and now we learn, her staff won't let her watch the news either, because they don't want her to get "depressed."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/17/palins-staffers-keep-her_n_135551.html


I guess if they let her watch the TV news, she'd figure out that small towns make up an ever-growing, shrinking minority of the population of this country.  Drive through any of hundreds of them and you'll see stores boarded up and schools closed, unless they're located either close to a major metropolitan area, have an Interstate running through them, or are located in an area where the local industry is booming.

And small towns are aging.  Almost always, school enrollment is dropping in small towns.  In our own little village--whose population now is probably closer to 10,000--all five elementary schools were closed and combined into a single, new school that was built for those who remained.  And there is still just one high school, but it's UIL ranking has dropped from 4-A to 3-A.

It has long been my opinion that the base of the Republican party is aging; that the demographic of most of the screaming-radio programs and the Bill O'Reilly type shows are also aging.  I know they are losing new voters in this year's registration drive.  Young people are flocking to the Democratic party and its charismatic candidate.

Look around at the crowd shots at a Palin or a McCain rally.  See how many are white and over 50.

Then talk to some parents of grown children who live in those small towns and ask where their kids are.  Chances are, they've had to move away to find work, which contributes even more to the lower birth rate.

So I guess that means that, in order to be a real American to Sarah Palin, you pretty much need to be white, over 50, and come from a small town.

Oh man!  That's me!  The trifecta of Americanness!  Woo-hoo!

Too damn bad I'm voting for Obama, eh?