David...it will change for equality and you are a full citizen of this country. We need some more political will to not let this issue fade away!

Add me to the list of people asking you to do the Caesar Millan schtick: Calm Assertive... Equality arrives in fits and starts and not always on schedule, but it does arrive.

Here's a Youtube link that shows what I am writing about (it's not new, you may have already seen it, but it represents the near future, I hope):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rfea8iEGNw

Straight and gay, we stand strongly for equality under the law.

As a straight female resident of a little CA boonie desert town, my anger at this excrescence was set off by the "Yes on 8" signs blanketing the roadsides here. I bagged 4 of them and my outrage continues to churn, surprising me in it's vehemence.

Then I talked to my despondent gay friends who took the earliest and the last opportunities (4pm on Monday) to get married. The latter couple were chosen by the mother to adopt her baby boy right after his birth. He's almost 4.....

....and I know my that my outrage needs focus and that the real targets are those who are fueling and funding these efforts; the "religous" who preyed on the fears of their presumed own.

I also think of the millions of others like myself who now understand that it's personal for us, too.

It's now OUR war.

Hi DemDave. I am sorry for the results of these misguided ballot initiatives.

But there may be a silver lining. Let's remember that part of the reason we voted for Obama was because of Supreme Court appointments. I am not a person who believes that he will "stack" the court with activist judges. As a constitutional scholar, I believe Obama respects the idea that federal judges should be impartial and judge the matters before them with a strong tilt towards honoring precendent.

But as law students learn in constitutional law classes across the country, decisions are all made "at the margins." Your arguments within your post are dead on. You are being treated as "less than equal" based on your status as a gay person. You are being discriminated against on the basis of a factor that, like race or ethnicity or gender, is not something over which you exercise control. In other words, this is discrimination based on who you happen to have been born being.

We now have the classic situation that can lead to the Supreme Court hearing this case. Different laws have passed conflicting laws that bear directly on a matter of civil rights. Perhaps that will make the issue "ripe" for a decision from the Court. From a legal standpoint, this will not need to be an "earth shattering" decision that breaks with all precedent. It can be framed as a "filling the interstices" decision, in which it is simply clarified that there's no difference between being gay and being black or asian, with the conclusion that homosexuality must be included as a protect class under the equal protection act.

I hope this is what happens. I am sending good karma your way.

Famously one of the feminist leaders said in essence that she was lookingforward to the day when an inadequate woman could be as successful as inadequate men are all the time.

Something like that applies in this case.
Blacks have just as much right to get things wrong as whites always have.

David, it certainly will change in your lifetime, and just try to hold on and be more patient and accept that it's a big boat turning.

It wasn't until about 40 years ago that there was any acceptance of gays having something to rightfully change. "Don't Ask Don't Tell" failed as policy but succeeded at bringing the issue to the dinner table. Gay marriages have gotten tripped up in numerous locations, but the momentum is heading that way, and it really is a matter of (short) time.

The black community has been focused much more on its own problems, and has not always played expansively to the rights and concerns of others. This is changing - there's more of a though of turning from civil rights to civil responsibility, and that means more though and action towards civil rights of others. Of course there are gay black men and women as well, so it's not an either/or choice, but that's been ignored during the process, just as the rights of black women came 2nd in the civil rights movement - like much of the 60's, the chicks were part of the prize, not co-partners in the struggles.

And while the black community has a huge stake in civil rights, a progressive value, the black community is not by and large progressive, and in terms of education, integration, experience and so on, you shouldn't expect it. It is in many ways a backwards community, and I'm sure I catch grief for saying that. (But how would you expect that any community would have huge poverty and education problems but somehow not be a bit regressive?) Though we should expect it to change. There is a black man in the White House. That doesn't change the path of the sun, but it mean one less excuse for why the black community should not partake in the other responsibilities of the community as well. With improved education comes improved awareness. Increased power means increased experience in using it. Self-development and increased concerns about others. This isn't completely new, as for example the Rainbow community tried pushing 20 years ago, but now's where the rubber hits the pavement.

And this election may be a blessing in disguise. Now you have 3 good examples of saying, "Hey folks, you got yours, we supported you, and we got bupkus in return." And it's not just black's fault. We saw it early in the campaign with Donnie McClurkin and the token gay white preacher to silently stand on stage to provide "balance". Obama got pretty much a pass on it, and the issue was shelved, I guess as just being peculiar to South Carolina. But now it's back, so make the most of it, let each setback be greater impetus for success. It won't be long.

You are too a full citizen - don't be silly.

Your rights aren't tied to civil rights between races, Dave. Your rights are tied directly to women's rights because that's where it all flows from.

We love you and we have your back and you will see this happen sooner rather than later, Dave. We will fight with you to make this happen and don't doubt that for a minute.

Not for one minute.

A case compassionately and intelligently made.

I hear you.

When I was studying for my master's degree in Library Science, I visited a school for LGBT kids, housed in one room in the Carl Bean AIDS Center in Los Angeles. We wanted to know if and how LGBT kids used the library. All the kids were Black or Latino. And poor, which accounts for many of their problems, the teacher said. But for the African-American kids, the deep and broad homophobia in their families and their communities was a much larger issue. Whereas the Latino families will usually embrace their child, regardless of his sexuality, the African-American families overwhelmingly rejected their child who was often kicked out of the home and excluded from the family. Now, this is an anecdote but one that I have heard over and over about the Black community. It needs to start dealing with its homophobia, taking better care of its gay and lesbian sons and daughters, brothers and sisters.

But, I also caution people not to point a single finger at African-Americans for 8 going down. There were many, many components. A lot of money from the Mormon and Catholic churches (not known for their Black congregations). A lot of white Republicans supporting this and 35% of Dems. And Magic Johnson for one worked his tail off to defeat 8.

I, for one, hold myself responsible. I donated money and put out a No on 8 lawn sign but otherwise was complacent, working instead to get Obama elected (and how sweet that victory was).

But I know we'll get there on LGBT equality - look how the young folk voted in this election. The queers don't scare 'em and pretty soon that'll be the norm.

I highly recommend reading not just this article the responding letters over at DailyKos:

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/11/7/34645/1235/704/656272

There is something I have never written about on TPM...but feel compelled to discuss it now.

In June of 2006 I lost my partner, Nathan, to cancer. He was a dear, beautiful, special man and will always be the love of my life. We were together six years and they were truly the happiest years of my life.

My heart aches that I was never able to marry him. In the final weeks of his life when he was no longer able to come home and he was stuck at the hospital... I purchased two rings and as he rested uncomfortably in his hospital bed, Nathan and I exchanged our own vows. It was just him and me sharing our words of love to the sounds of all that medical machinery to which he was attached. Tears ran down both of our faces as we told each other how much we cherished our love. I remember it word for word...

"David, when I die people will talk about all of the things I have done in my life. But they will never understand that the thing I am most proud of is you and our relationship and our love."

He went on like that for a bit as I put my head down on his upper leg and sobbed. He stroked my hair and told me over and over it was going to be all right as tears streamed down his face. He knew he was lying to me. Nathan died less than three weeks later.

There was so much about that experienece that left me angry.

I am angry that Nathan and I never were married. I never got to kiss him in front of family and friends, in front of a justice of the peace, in front of God.....dressed in tuxes as we proclaimed our love. I am angry we never had a reception with rubbery chicken and a chocolate fountain (haha). I am angry we didn't get to dance to our song ("Someone Like You" from the musical JECKYL AND HYDE).

I am angry that every time Nathan went to a new hospital or got a new nursing staff, I had to defend my right to be there at his bedside. If Nathan's family hadn't defended me... there were multiple hospital staff members who would have forced me to leave as I was not Nathan's "immediate family".

I am angry that my Nathan is not here and a major reason is because he didn't have insurance and his healthcare was questionable, at best. He eventually found his way to Barnes Jewish Hospital where he received the best care for no cost... but we wasted months at terrible hospitals where he got wretched care that did more damage than good. Don't even get me started on the doctor who gave him the wrong chemotherapy and destroyed multiple paths of treatment.

I am angry that I have the best insurance in the world, and my Nathan could not be covered by it because we were not married in the eyes of the government. I worked so hard to have a good job with good insurance, and my "husband" could not benefit from it.

For all of these reasons I am angry.

In the last days before Nathan passed, he left me a phone message in the middle of the night. I still listen to that message when I miss so much I can't function. He told me he would always love me. Sadly, love wasn't enough. I know in my heart things would have been different if he had truly been my husband in the eyes of the government.

I lost Nathan on June 27th 2006. In his last gesture of love, Nathan waited in a coma for two days for me to leave the room. I went for a quick walk on the third day of his coma and he let out his last breath five minutes after I stepped out. Because of Nathan's love and generosity, I get to remember his living and not his dying. For that, I will always be grateful to my dear, sweet, precious Nathan.

Tuesday's vote will always feel like a repudiation of my love for Nathan and his love for me. That love was deep and real and intense and had no boundary. I would have died for him, and he would have done the same for me.

For all of those reasons, Nathan deserved to be my husband. And I deserved to be his.

It is sadly worth noting also that one of the primary reasons Jim Webb won over George "Maccaca" Allen (R-Racist) last year in Virginia was that there was an anti-gay marriage referendum on the ballot then. Webb received overwhelming support in the African-American community but the referendum was soundly voted in favor within the African-American community as well. It was obvious that primarily it was the Republicans who had put the initiative on the ballot, knowing that it would bring out the evangelicals and the strong AA Baptists.