In rare victory, our folks defeat other folks


In a victory for our folks, Saxby Chambliss won the Georgia runoff. Thank goodness. Our folks took a beating on Nov. 4th as the other folks voted for one of their own. A few years ago, the idea that one of the other folks could become president was unthinkable. But the recession, which was obviously caused by the other folks who forced our folks to lend them money, caused some of our folks to foolishly vote for one of the other folks. Our folks who voted for him may also have been influenced by the other-other folks who attacked us on 9/11 and forced our folks to invade one of their countries. The other-other folks then not only refused to show us the love but also lacked the decency to have the WMD's they promised. In other words, the laziness and financial imprudence of the other folks and the intolerance and mendacity of the other-other folks led our folks to help elect one of the other folks (whose middle name proves that he's also one of the other-other folks). Capiche?

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Cross posted at dagblog.com, where I have proclaimed the end of an era, and no one is named Saxby .

Change What?


Back in the primary, pundits and critics wondered how Obama could deliver change while keeping his promise of bipartisanship, for the Republicans would surely block progressive initiatives. As Obama selects experienced insiders for his administration, pundits and critics now wonder how he can deliver change with a staff whose ideas have shaped past administrative policies. Some assume that Obama will not try or will not be able to fulfill his promises of change. Others assume that to Obama, "change" is an empty word, useful for getting elected but irrelevant to his governing plans.

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Korea, Madagascar, and Nouveau Colonialism


Over at dagblog, TPMer Donal recently posted the news that a South Korea company is pursuing a deal with Madagascar to lease almost half of its currently farmed land for 99 years in order to grow crops for feed and biofuel. Chinese companies have been doing similar deals with a number of African countries but at much smaller scales. Trade deals between multinational corporations and third-world countries have been sources of controversy since the 70's, but the history of such arrangements stretches back to the Dutch East and West Indies Companies, established in the 17th century. New York City itself was founded as New Amsterdam by the Dutch West Indies Company in order to facilitate the purchase of natural resources, including fur and tobacco, from an as yet undeveloped America.

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Japan: Recessive Again


Japan's economy is now officially in recession according to those in charge of labeling such things, which means that they beat us again. While most believe that the U.S. has already entered a recession, it's not official until we have two consecutive quarters of negative growth, so we're just going to have to wait until January. Thus, despite the fact that Japan's auto companies run circles around the befuddled behemoths in Detroit and clobbered our electronics companies long ago, even though Japanese save like misers and Americans spend like sailors, and notwithstanding our $5B trade deficit with Japan, they still out-recessioned us.

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Joe Lieberman Hateboard


I don't know about you, but as an angry progressive blogger, I'm feeling just a little but frustrated since the election. I've got no one to hate. John McCain gave a little speech and disappeared. G.W. has been reduced to giving tours of the Oval Office. It was fun to laugh at Sarah Palin when the McCain people dished on her, but without her V.P. pulpit, she just seems like a clown, and yelling at clowns is boring. Thank goodness we still have Joe Lieberman to crap on. That's why I created this hateboard so that we can all crap on Joe Lieberman. So crap away. I recommend that following syntax: Joe is a #$!*@ because ...

I'll get us started:
  • Joe is a #$!*@ because he supported McCain, and everyone who supported McCain is a #$!*@.
  • Joe is a #$!*@ because Obama endorsed him in the last election, and then Joe stabbed him in the back. Or maybe the front. Whatever, Joe stabbed him. And even though Obama doesn't seem mad, since Obama doesn't get mad, I'm going to get mad for Obama's sake because it's not right.
  • Joe is a #$!*@ because he supports the Iraq war and other Republican stuff. His voting record his almost as Republican as Evan Bayh's. But we like Bayh because he supported Obama. We like anyone who supported Obama even if they directly facilitated the war, like Colin Powell.
  • Joe is a #$!*@ because he's a lying, opportunistic politician. Can you believe it? A lying, opportunistic politician. Appalling!
  • Joe is a #$!*@ because he played for the other team. People on our team should never, ever, play for the other team. It's a betrayal, that's what it is. We like it when people from their team play for our team because that shows integrity, like when Chuck Hagel praised Obama, but it's different the other way.
  • And finally, Joe is #$!*@ because he's a weenie and deserves to be stripped of his committee chairmanship and given a big old wedgie in the Senate locker room.

Wow, that felt great. I haven't felt this good since I wrote about how much I hated Hillary Clinton.

Crap away people, crap like you've never crapped before. You may not have another chance for a while.

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This piece was NOT cross-posted at dagblog.com, because those people are a bunch of Lieb-loving losers.

Unleash the Pundits!


Obama recently gave his first press conference as President Elect despite the fact that "President Elect" is not actually an office. It's more like "Future President." But of course, Obama has always been "Future President," though we didn't know it until now, so this would be only his first press conference as "Future President As We Now Know." Though to be honest we've pretty much known for at least a month, so it's more like his first press conference as "Future President As We Are Now Totally Sure So It's Cool To Talk About Presidential Dogs and Stuff." In any case, something has changed, so all the pundits are now gratifying us with an in-depth analysis of every word out of Obama's mouth. In particular, we have some profound mutt analysis from William Kristol, TPM's own FlyOnTheWall, and none other than Cesar Millan, the famous dog whisperer.

Since it's obvious that readers are slobbering for more mutt analysis and not wishing to be outdone by Kristol, Millan, and Wall, I am happy to oblige them. So without further ado, the presser:

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Toldja


Sorry to toot my own prescience, but no one else will do it for me. Last February, when Democratic primary fires still burned brightly, there was a lot of concern among Democrats that McCain would prove to be a formidable candidate because of his experience, military record, media popularity, reputation as a straight-shooter, and appeal among independents. I wanted to write about McCain's chances, but I concluded that attempting to predict the relative importance to voters of experience vs. change, national security vs. economy, straight-shooting vs. smooth-talking, etc. was wild guesswork. Instead, I decided to focus on McCain's track record as campaigner. In one of my very first political blog posts, called Overestimating McCain, I wrote that McCain's primary campaign had been nearly crushed by lackluster fundraising, poor planning, fiscal mismanagement, and infighting and that McCain was so out of touch with campaign operations that he was "started and enraged" to he learn that his campaign had run out of money. Moreover, the sagging fortunes of his campaign eventually reversed only because of positive news from Iraq and the titanic implosion of rival Rudy Giuliani's campaign rather than because of any clever tactical changes on McCain's part. I also contrasted the Republican cakewalk of a primary with the fiercely competitive Democratic primary, in which both of the main candidates smashed fundraising records and drew record numbers of voters.

Ignoring the personal attributes that the pundits used to measure McCain's chances, I proposed an alternative thesis: "a well-run primary campaign augurs a well-run general election campaign, and the inverse, a poorly-run primary campaign augurs a poorly-run general election campaign." As McCain's media popularity and perceptions of his honesty veered wildly, as unpredictable events changed voters' priorities, as independents swayed to and fro, one factor remained constant: John McCain ran an unfocused, cash poor, badly planned, bitterly divided campaign. Obama, by contrast, ran an organized, disciplined, creative, well-funded, brilliant campaign, just as he did in the primary. The next time I attempt to gauge a candidate's electability, I know where to look.

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Cross posted at dagblog.com, where the bloggers can see the future. Except that Articleman was wrong about Georgia.

Credit to McCain


As has been well documented at TPM, John McCain ran a deceitful, jingoistic, superficial, nationalistic campaign which grew ever more incendiary towards the end. But there is one place that McCain did not go. He did not ultimately base his campaign on racial polarization. Yes, there were a few subtle coded messages, and McCain's attacks on Obama's patriotism harbored a racial undercurrent. Yes, there were Muslim rumors and Rev. Wright ads by third parties that McCain failed to publicly deplore. But in the end, McCain did not adopt a full-throated race-baiting strategy that probably would have helped his campaign.

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Dancing in the Street


Walked home last tonight after a joyful election party in the West Village, NYC--good crowd, wonderful friends, incredible victory. Felt a bit melancholy, in the way you do after achieving something for which you have striven for so long. It's my birthday. November 5th. Marvelous birthday gift from the American voters. 37. Strange age to be. People shout gleefully on sidewalks. Cars honk happily on streets. High fives with strangers. Arrive at St. Marks Place in the East Village. Crowd on the corner. Cheering. Stand on a pay phone, take photos. Walk down St. Marks, winding through the crowd. Hapless cops make bullhorn shouts. Useless. People crowd the street, shouting and cheering. Mostly young. Some old. Cabs are trapped, honking, some with joy, some with frustration. Cops try to make way for traffic. Useless. Speak to a man who was arrested then freed, after shouts from the crowd. Cops yield, block off the street for celebration. Someone blasts music. From an apartment? Queen. We Are the Champions. People dance in the street. People dance on the fire escapes. American flags wave. Young men clamber onto cars, wave hands and flags. Crowd chanting: O-ba-ma! O-ba-ma! Crowd singing: O say can you see... Speak to strangers. Dance. Cheer. Take more photos. Watch crowd. Feel alive.

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The Deciders


Contrary to President Bush's assurance, he is not the Decider. We the People are the Deciders. Mr. Bush is a temporary employee to whom we have granted provisional authority to govern on our behalf. We the People make such Decisions infrequently but regularly--every four years. And now it is again time for us to Decide.

Sometimes the Decision may seem inconsequential, a choice between equals, but the consequences of our Decisions inevitably prove that the differences were starker than we imagined. The authority that we grant to these individuals is of such magnitude that even the small choices that they make--the words they choose, the people they hire, the favors they grant, the priorities that they pursue--have great consequences. However much Mr. Bush seemed like Mr. Gore eight years ago, he has led the nation down a very different path than Mr. Gore would have done. The difference cannot be measured by any single policy or historical event. It consists in the accumulation of policies, priorities, appointments, speeches, favors, initiatives, and other actions that Mr. Bush has executed under the authority that we have twice granted him.

The Decision is always a gamble. We can never know how a person will exercise the authority we grant to him or her. The best candidate may be the worst president. Like poker players, we can only make educated choices based on the hands we've been dealt. A low pair will sometimes win; four aces will sometimes lose. But we can play the odds, and we can maximize our chances. What we must not do, if we value the welfare our nation, is to Decide for the wrong reasons. We are not choosing a policy, a friend, a hero, a judge, or an entertainer. We are choosing to hire someone who will make innumerable decisions on our behalf, someone who will affect the lives of billions of people in our country and around the world.

We can perhaps forgive ourselves for the poor choice that we made in 2000. True, we underestimated the consequences of that Decision, but we had little way of knowing that the man we selected would lead us into a disastrous war, cripple the effectiveness of our government, and enact policies that would so drastically undermine our interests and welfare. But we have no excuse for 2004. Knowing full well what Mr. Bush had wrought in his first four years, we extended his authority for another four. We chose him because we liked him more than Mr. Kerry, because he said the words that we wanted to hear, because we allowed him to exploit our fears. We have paid dearly for that Decision and will continue to pay for years to come.

This year, we must do better. We cannot know for certain whether Mr. Obama will be a more capable leader than Mr. McCain, but we have many reasons to believe so. Over the course of his career and in this campaign, Mr. Obama has demonstrated solid temperament, sound judgment, a deep and nuanced intelligence, strong leadership, and broad appeal. He aims to right the errors produced by Mr. Bush's incompetence: the imprudent war that killed millions, cost trillions, and produced little; the tax cuts for the richest among us that have exploded our deficit and amplified the economic inequalities that divide us; the politicization of our government; and the secrecy meant to hide choices we abhor.

In contrast to Mr. Obama, Mr. McCain has been erratic, often confused, prone to anger, and out of touch. The policies that he has favored committed us to the terrible war, bankrupt our government, and undermined the "fundamentals" of our economy. The people that he has hired, most notably Ms. Palin, have exhibited notable incompetence. He has belied a reputation for integrity and substance with a campaign that has exploited our worst instincts and sought to distract us from matters of importance.

It is time to Decide. We can be guided by our fears and prejudices and bet the weak hand. Or we can place our bet on the man who has given us so many reasons to believe that he will work effectively on our behalf to improve our lives and make our nation greater. We the People are responsible for our future. We are the Deciders.

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For those in the New York area, I will be hosting an election party at the Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker at Sullivan St. In D.C., TPM member IIOOII will be watching the results at Bar 1331 on Pennsylvania Ave.. For those of you who are watching from home, tune in to dagblog.com to see Articleman live blog the results with his usual wit and insight.

Wherefore Art Thou Shirt? + Election Party Announcement


WE INTERRUPT THIS ELECTION WITH A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE

A few weeks ago, I sacrificed my technicolor-blinky-shirt for Obama. In the first ever Shirt Off for Obama, supporters and detractors of the shirt had the opportunity to donate in favor of saving the shirt or losing the shirt. In an extremely close and contentious election that made the Democratic primary look like beanbag, the Anti-Shirts won narrowly (though some have faulted me for a Gore-like hesitance to contest the results). More importantly, we raised $1,382 for the Obama campaign and $200 for Jim Martin's Senate campaign in Georgia. I shed the shirt for a picture of myself on a playground bouncy horse. TPM then upgraded its software, and I lost my head.

WANTED FOR
Assault, Abduction, Bigamy,
Multi-Self-Recommending
Armed and Dangerous

Some of you have since inquired about the whereabouts of the shirt. I'm sorry to relate this sad tale. The shirt had grown accustomed to its celebrity status and in truth had become something of a diva. In it's heyday, the shirt partied with Monica Lewinsky's dress and John Edward's haircut. There were also rumors of wild orgies with most of Sarah Palin's wardrobe. To have been cast off like an old blinking rag was a great blow to its ego. It started drinking heavily with the other TPM rejects, including LisB's flashing hair and my decapitated head as well a number of blog posts that didn't survive the software upgrade. Tattered and faded, lacking any means to support itself, the shirt turned to crime, kidnapping stray socks from the laundry and prostituting them in thrift stores of ill repute. I lost track of it soon after but heard that it was consorting with some sordid characters. Alas, I had no idea how sordid. The shirt has resurfaced. I have the link to its location, but I warn you, it's not a pretty sight. I offer the link only as a cautionary tale so that others may avoid a similar fate. Here is the shirt.

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I would like to try to redeem this sad post with happier thoughts. For any of you in the New York area, I will be hosting an election party at the Village Lantern at 167 Bleecker at Sullivan St. Please come by to watch the action and if all goes well, celebrate like crazy people. Here is the full description. I also encourage anyone else throwing or attending an election party, or even hanging out in a bar, to announce it for fellow TPMers in the comments section. And for those of you who are watching from home, tune in to dagblog.com to see Articleman live blog the results with his usual wit and insight.

Late update: There is a possibility that a German news station will cover the election party, which is surely very exciting for the three of you who watch German news. I'm not sure which station but will update this page If it looks like it will happen.

Life Imitates Parody


The other day, I wrote a piece of snark about Joe the Plumber's brand going global, inspired by an actual quote from a Greek analyst about "Joe the Greek Plumber." Today, I read that the Joe the Plumber has hired a manager. Seriously. Jim Della Croce, president of the Nashville-based Pathfinder Management group, explains his plans for Joe the Celeb's future:

"Joe the Plumber is fast becoming a brand...It's going to be our job to find Joe's strengths and give him some options."

In my parody, I also mentioned "Joe the Spokesperson." Croce likes the concept:

"It wouldn't be far afield to have Joe be the spokesperson for Home Depot, for example, representing the shoulder-to-the-wheel working stiff."

Then Croce ventured into territory beyond even my twisted imagination:

Mr. Della Croce said he was even thinking of having Mr. Wurzelbacher record some music... "Joe is a hard-core country music fan, and he can carry a tune," he said. "We're not calling him anything, though, until we get him into a studio."

Lest any of you are concerned that Joe the Celeb will forget about Joe the Plumber, fear not:

"He really isn't selling out in any way, shape or form. We just want to see where he can have a positive impact."

No word yet on Croce's plans for the Greek market.

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Cross posted at DagBlog.com. If you like my work, please subscribe to our RSS feed.

Joe the Plumber Goes Global


After achieving success in the United States, Joe the Plumber has gone international. According to the New York Times, a senior strategist for the ruling party of Greece said of Greek Prime Minister Kostas Karamanlis:

"Karamanlis has to show again that he is fighting for Joe the Greek Plumber and that small and medium-size enterprises are the government's priority."

Joe the Greek Plumber is the first Joe the Plumber franchise to open in Europe, but if the brand achieves anything near the success it has had in the U.S., Joe the Plumber mania may soon sweep Europe with franchises across the continent, including Joe the Dutch Plumber, Joe the Bulgarian Plumber, and Joe the Liechtensteinian Plumber.

Success is not guaranteed. According to Dr. Orvish Ichstein, Professor of International Nomenclature at Georgetown University, Joe's international popularity may be hindered by cultural barriers:

"Part of the appeal of the Joe the Plumber brand is his everyman name. Before Joe, there were a number of other opinionated plumbers in the U.S., including Achmed the Plumber, Bhekizitha the Plumber, and Genghis the Plumber, but their names lacked popular appeal. If he wants to make it in Europe, Joe should allow his franchises to adopt local flavor, i.e. Zorba the Plumber.

A spokesperson for Joe the Plumber, Joe the Spokesperson, disagreed:

"You can't take the Joe out of Joe the Plumber. That's like taking the Christ out of Christmas. If Jesus Christ had changed his name when he globalized, the Greeks would celebrate Zorbamas. That's just wrong."

Joe the Plumber is also likely to face stiff competition from the Polish Plumber, a popular icon who currently dominates the European plumbing icon market. According to spokesperson Jan Spokespersonsky, the Polish Plumber plans to vigorously defend his market:

"There is many Joes in America, but Joes is not wished in our country or in Europe. Our Polish Plumber is very clean with much yellow hair and big wrench. He kick out all dirty Joes from our country. "

In other news, Joe Sixpack is also reported to be considering a global expansion with a Spanish franchise called Joe Sangriapack.

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Cross posted at DagBlog.com. If you like my work, please subscribe to our RSS feed.

BREAKING: Top Level McCain Campaign Shake Up


In a surprise move, the McCain campaign has announced that it has fired the public face of the campaign, Senator John McCain. Campaign spokesperson, Nancy Pfotenhauer, announced the decision to dumbstruck reporters at a hastily arranged press conference on Thursday:

"As of this morning, Senator John McCain has been placed on indefinite administrative leave. John and the campaign leadership have agreed that he is not a good fit for the campaign right now. The parting was amicable, and we wish him well in all his future endeavors."

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Why McCain is Losing


The economy and Bush's unpopularity would have made it tough for McCain to win the election no matter what, but as I predicted last February in one of my first political blogposts, Overestimating McCain, John McCain has played a weak hand poorly. I base my argument on the radical assumption that content matters. Whether delivered in rousing speeches, angry debates, or snide ads, if a candidate's message fails to resonate with voters, he or she is unlikely to prevail. I propose two measures for evaluating the effectiveness of a message: truthiness and importance. In an homage to Stephen Colbert, I use "truthiness" rather than "truth" because with regard to electability, the accuracy of a message doesn't ultimately matter as long as the voters believe it. The swiftboaters' message about Kerry's service was a lie, but unfortunately, enough voters found it persuasive to make a difference in the race.

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