I had heard the rumors. The one about Paulson singing in harmony with the salty cursing parrot on his shoulder, "Yo Ho, A Pirates Life For Me". The rumored treasure chests of gold marked "Cursed & Crawford Bound" and "Those Somalis Don't Know Shit". But still, I wasn't really a beliver until the pirate ship Black Pearl was sighted dropping anchor near the mouth of the Potomac.

Poverty stricken shore dwellers repoirted seeing long boats launched from the Pearl and heading in the general direction of the Capital Yacht Club. Some of the empty pocketed observers speculated that it was just another AIG or Wachovia pleasure cruise, while the keener eyed future apple sellers among them saw it as an all-out assault on the treasury.

Treasury assault and piracy expert, Phil Gramm, claimed that the now sick, homeless and pennyless shore observers where just a bunch of whiners. In reply, the observers stated that Gramm talked like a drunken sailor because he became filty rich providing land support for the Pearl's sister pirate ship, Enron.

In the meantime, Congress, in an attempt to quell public fears, released a statement saying that the ship's, so-called, Captain was merely paying a call on Nasster Kazeminy for new nautical attire for the Captain and his crew.

The Senate, via their Finance Committee, restated that they would never negotiate with terrorist pirates, but would indeed trade a $700 billion dollar bail out package to the corrupt and despicable curds for a few bottles of cheap rum.

Senatorial designated mariners say that the sudden appearance of the Pearl, and the ensuing initative came about as a result of previous pirate handling recommendations by the Chief of the Congressional Economic Leadership Institute, Hank Green Beard.

The rum-less version seems to enable us to walk a much straighter plank, since the Pearl apparently opened fire on Lehman Brothers and destroyed all of their internal documents.

The Pearl is also credited with the sinking of Captain Spitzer's ship in New York harbor, while under the command of one of it's officers, Peg Leg John Dugan. Dugan disquised himself as the Comptroller Of The Currency and ordered Spitzer not to set sail on investigations of bank sub-prime loans. Spitzer was left dead in the water and later sunk for good measure.

The above is the truth as I sees it.

Yours truly, Captain Jack Sparow