I'd been contemplating a blog about Hawaii, when I came upon an article in the Washington Post that says it better than I could.

I have read criticism about the time our PE is spending in Hawaii, rather than getting down to work, and it has really irritated me. The man's life has been a roller coaster for 2 years and he's about to spend the next (dare I hope) 8 years in the biggest pressure-cooker-in-the-world of a job. Coming in fresh and "centered" is a good thing.

We started going to Maui every year about 12 years ago. We both had pretty high stress jobs that could be 24/7 when we let them. We decided to buy a time share in Maui that could not be delayed or traded easily, that would force us to spend a defined period of time every year away from the pressure.

What an amazing gift to ourselves that turned out to be. There truly is something about the the "aloha" spirit that is regenerating. It's hard to be in too much of a hurry, because the "flow" just won't let you rush. Everything moves slower. If it doesn't get done today, it will tomorrow, or the next day, maybe. If not, who cares? Was it really all that important, anyway?

Over the years our adult children, and now grandchildren go with us. Per her request, we scattered the ashes of our oldest child offshore of our unit last year. The times spent there as a family were so important to her that she wanted her remains to be there forever. We chartered a boat at sunset to dispense the ashes. That is not a time of day when you see many whales. We had seen none the whole time we were on the water. Within seconds of the final bits of remains hitting the water a whale came to the surface, right where we had spread the ashes. No big leap... Just a blow and a gentle hello. We wept in silence and said goodbye, knowing she was in good hands. True story.  Hawaii is like that.

We head out for this year's trip in a couple of weeks and will be there for the inauguration. If we couldn't be in D.C. it's at least the next best place...should be quite a party.

I'm glad our PE is gearing up for his new job with a couple of weeks of aloha. He'll need it.

Since we're in the mode of thinking BIG, and spending more magic money than will be repaid in a couple of generations, how's this for an idea?

What if, instead of concentrating so much on creating new jobs, we decrease the NEED for some of them?

I have long felt that the women's movement, while great in many aspects, has not served all of us well. Back in the day, we only needed one wage earner in a family to keep everyone with a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. When women joined the workforce in mass, by choice, the standard of living flew up and prices did, as well. Now it takes 2 wage earners to keep up, and women HAVE to work outside the home, whether they want to or not.

In my own family, I have 2 women who want to stay home with their children, but in order to keep their houses, HAVE to go back to work. One gets to take a year off, the other 6 months. In this country they are both VERY fortunate to be able to do that, but neither WANT to go back to work until their kids are at least in school all day.

What if we somehow subsidized women such as these so they could stay home with their children for say, 5 years, while the country gets back on its feet? That would open up jobs for women who WANT to work, and men who need to (let's face it, as sexist as that sounds, legally men are still required to support their families) and allow those women who NEED to work outside the home, but don't want to, to stay home.

The benefits are that moms would be raising their own kids for longer (novel idea, don't you think?) which seems to be a healthier way to do things and the competition for jobs would be temporarily reduced. Families would be a little less stressed. The need to "consume" to create jobs might decrease some.

My daughter-in-law currently receives 60% of her pay in disability payments, and with reductions in costs of her being home (fewer meals out, cooking from scratch, no commute costs, etc.) they are able to make ends meet w/o having to dip into savings (yes, we taught them to save!) She is DREADING having to go back to work. If she continued receiving these payments, she wouldn't need to, and her job would be freed up for someone who WANTS to work.

Now I'm sure there are some downsides to this. Re-entry into the workforce down the road for all these women would cause a whole new set of problems. It would be expensive, but we're printing it as fast as we can spend it, why not spend it on something that actually helps shore up our foundation (better adjusted kids?)

Is this just a completely crazy idea, or can it be modified into something worth considering as we figure out how to fix this mess?

I just ran across an article in the Huff Post that has me shaking my head...I swear, we'll fight about ANYTHING!

"We do not have our first black president," the author Christopher Hitchens said on the BBC program "Newsnight." "He is not black. He is as black as he is white."

A Doonesbury comic strip that ran the day after the election showed several soldiers celebrating.

"He's half-white, you know," says a white soldier.

"You must be so proud," responds another.

Pride is the center of racial identity, and some white people seem insulted by a perception that Obama is rejecting his white mother (even though her family was a centerpiece of his campaign image-making) or baffled by the notion that someone would choose to be black instead of half-white.

"He can't be African-American. With race, white claims 50 percent of him and black 50 percent of him. Half a loaf is better than no loaf at all," Ron Wilson of Plantation, Fla., wrote in a letter to the Sun-Sentinel newspaper.

Attempts to whiten Obama leave a bitter taste for many African-Americans, who feel that at their moment of triumph, the rules are being changed to steal what once was deemed worthless _ blackness itself.

"For some people it's honestly confusion," said Favor, the Dartmouth professor. "For others it's a ploy to sort of reclaim the presidency for whiteness, as though Obama's blackness is somehow mitigated by being biracial."

At a time when our our country is falling apart around us, I can hardly believe people are fussing about whether our President is black or white. Let's face it. He's both. He identifies as Black. How could he not? White mother or not, he would have had a tough time trying to "pass."

Can't we just let him be black?  Why would any white person want to co-opt that? I guess in some bizarre way it made it easier for some white folks to vote for him because he has white blood (huh? When did blood become black or white? I thought it was red...) But come on...can't y'all just be glad for all of us that he's our President and let it go? One of the things that ran through my mind on election night, tears pouring down my face, was that now, black children would grow up knowing that in America, they can truly grow up to be ANYTHING they want, something my children have always known...Why would anyone want to take that away from them?

Thera, you're needed over at dickday's. He's laughing at burning cats.

I don't know if it is the lull after the election and the residual euphoria, the introspection that comes when suddenly I find myself with some extra time on my hands, this mushy time of year, or the number of personal posts that have popped up lately, but I'm finding myself reflecting quite a bit lately about this odd little family we have created here at TPM.

I know, there are those of you who are here solely to stir the pot, or for the issues only, and don't care to bond, but for many of us, this has become a family away from family, not the one given us by nature, but the one we have chosen for ourselves.

Some have been here a long time, years maybe, and others, like myself, not so long, but long enough to have built up a rapport that exceeds that found in mere "communities."  We fight like families fight, we ask for support and give it like families...we have our crazy Aunt Harriette (don't panic, I'm not referring to you!) crotchety Grandpa Joe (you know who you are!) and cousins that could start a fight in an empty bar, others that are so funny we're falling down laughing listening to them, and yet others that have their heads so far up their butts we can hardly believe we're the same species, let alone related!  We have our wise and brilliant mothers and fathers, and brothers and sisters that are so supportive we don't know what we'd do without them.

Our members come from so many different and diverse backgrounds and ethnicities and religions, some believers, some not. We have different economic realities, some are just starting their journeys into adulthood, others are much further along. We represent many, many careers and have an incredible knowledge base when we all put our heads together.

We can have a glass of wine with each other whenever we want, discuss any subject under the sun any time day or night, or just sit back and listen if we want to keep up but don't feel like we have anything to contribute. We share our common interests, sometimes being a bit of an echo chamber, then fuss like cats and dogs over those things we disagree about. Sometimes we're respectful, sometimes not so much...Every once in awhile a troll or two come through. Some ignore them, others band together to chase them off. Mostly we have each other's backs.

We share our pain, delight in each other's successes, help each other through technology glitches, come to each other's aid when we have a brain fart and can't remember where saw the article on (fill in the blank.) We've helped each other through life changing illnesses, divorces, job losses, job changes, serious accidents. We've celebrated new love, new jobs, a new President. We tease each other mercilessly. We alert each other to problems we see brewing out there in the world. We search out advice on just about every aspect of life, knowing that SOMEONE and maybe multiple someones have experienced the same thing and are anxious to share their perspectives with us. We cringe through the misspellings and incorrect word usages of some, and bask in the melodic words and phrases of others, hoping they will write more soon. We call each other out when we are being asshats (I just LOVE that term!) and encourage each other to be our better selves.

Anyway, today I have found myself thinking about our family in the most joyous of ways, and wanted to let you know that, while I have an awesome "real world" family, I treasure you, the odd little family I have chosen for myself. I am glad you are in my life, and I wanted you know...

P.S. Here's a little something from me to you...turn up the volume and prepare to be blessed.

Okay, here's the deal...I was writing a rather lengthy comment, got pulled away, so I hit preview, then had to leave so I shut everything down, thinking the text was in here somewhere. Now I am back and can't find the comment...anyone know where it is hiding? I tried to be a big girl and find it myself, but I've spent 1/2 an hour roaming and am ready to throw in the towel. The comment was so absolutely brilliant  ;-)  that I hate to think its lost out there in outer space!

This 2nd chance post was a great tool when the boards were nuts and the archives weren't working, but now that there's a major lull and the archives are back functioning, it seems to have outlived its usefulness.

Thank you all so very much for your support day after day! It was fun...see you on the boards!

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This post was born of a comment I made on Orlando's post about what being a progressive means to her, and Jason's post about the culture wars.

Personally, I don't know what I am anymore. This place and this election have me questioning everything I ever thought I knew, re-evaluating every position I ever thought I held, and wondering how, at the ripe old age of 56, my basic understanding of who I am can be so much in the air and so contradictory.

I personally used to like labels. I liked knowing I was a conservative. I liked knowing I was an Evangelical. Now I'm not sure I'm either, and I don't know what I am instead.  But I find myself needing to redefine who I am, and I no longer seem to fit into any of the clearly defined boxes into which I used to place myself.

I came of age at a time when women had few choices. I had no interest in any of the traditional female careers, so opted to get married and be a stay at home mom until my youngest was in 2nd grade. Then I let the "women's movement" convince me I was less than a whole person if I stayed home and was a wife and mother, so I opened my own business which I adored, and ran it for nearly 20 years, but it was pretty much at the expense of my marriage (which suffered greatly and took YEARS to repair.) Once my 1st grandchild arrived, I realized that family was where my happiness was to be found, sold the business and became a full time wife, mother and grandmother...thus coming full circle.

Both my daughter and daughter-in-law have careers they loved prior to having children, and now that they have lifestyles built around 2 incomes (you just about can't own your own home w/o 2 incomes, at least in CA.) wish they could stay home with their children. Neither are in fields where they can work from home.

This is progress/change, but is it good?

As far as the culture wars go, I do not believe they are over. There are still very strong feelings on both extremes, and getting to the middle is going to be difficult. I consider myself to be a tolerant person. I used to be sure of my positions, but more and more I can quite easily see both sides of most issues. I'm not sure how to bridge them all, but recognizing the validity of opposing positions is a necessary start.

I'm not fond of abortion, but don't want the government making the choice for my family. I feel like this is an issue best left to women, their doctors and their God.  Not all people are Christians, and it seems ridiculous to have laws that demand non-Christians abide by their beliefs. As a Christian, I'm still a little confused as to when life actually begins. Try as I might, I cannot find anyplace in the Bible that says it is at conception. And if it is, why do we not have Christian burials for the product of miscarriages in the 1st trimester?

I don't believe we "chose" who we love, but I am still resistant to the idea of gay couples adopting. I think that I think "marriage" is a religious institution, and all other unions are "civil," so maybe it's time for redefining our relationships. Perhaps all non-Christian unions should be called "unions," save "marriage" for Christians and make sure that all "unions" have the same standing under the law. I'm not sure where that leaves the adoption issue, but at least its a start.

I believe in God and His Son Jesus Christ, but the Christian community really turned me off w/ its performance in this election, and although I love God, have huge issues with my church family to the point where I haven't been to church in months. As Christians, we believe all sin is equal, so the lies that came from the right and the deaths that came about in the unnecessary war in Iraq should be as repugnant to them as the so-called "murder" of unborn children, but where was the outrage?

I believe we are our brother's keepers, but somewhere in the deal there has to be some accountability for one's personal choices. I can't turn my back on starving children or watch sick people lose everything as they struggle to pay medical bills, but I know that welfare is a form of slavery. I know that hard work and saving should be rewarded, yet I think those who makes tons of money have an obligation to the have nots of the world...where do you draw the line? Is it necessary to own 10 houses all over the world and fly around in private jets and have $100 dollar a minute massages, and caviar and $3500 jackets? Can you legislate against that? I don't believe in "forced" socialism, but shouldn't we, as individuals be a little more socialistic? Shouldn't we "self" socialize?

I think government should stay out of our lives as much as possible, and do only those things that we can't do for ourselves, i.e. defense, infra-structure, education, health care, environment, regulations that keep us honest (financial markets -duh, utilities, food/product safety) So in other words, so much for small government :-) !!!

So what am I? Or do labels even work anymore? Should we just stop trying to label ourselves and start realizing that unless we come together in the middle and learn to respect each other's differences, we are doomed? Seems to me like the time for either extreme has passed.

All I know for sure is that being a polarized country is getting us nowhere. There is no way in HELL we are going to end up on either extreme, so we'd best figure out how each side can get as much of what it needs as it can, and learn to live in harmony somewhere in the middle.

The alternative is that we WILL someday end up in another shooting civil war, instead of just the cultural one we're in now.

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